|Really dumb questions|
|World's easiest quiz|
|Job Evaluations you *don't* want.|
World-class Dumb Questions
All trades ultimately generate a long list of just plain dumb items theyve been either asked---or asked to do. Here's a list of actual reference queries reported by American and Canadian library reference desk workers of various levels. Actually, on second thought---technology is making some of the sillier questions into real possibilities. For instance, I looked at the 3rd item on the list and thought of Supreme Court Justice Thomas being shown a list of all the videos he had ever rented while enduring his circus-style confirmation.
No, they are not ranked in order. Theyre all equally 5-star dumb.
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World's Easiest Quiz
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?
CHECK YOUR ANSWERS
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Ah, English---did King George leave it on these shores to keep us confused? We spend exorbitant amounts of time to get another person to understand us and finally realize something got lost in the translation. They say that English is quite useful as a scientific language. Well, I do wonder.
The next time you can feel frustration building because you cant get a point across, stop and reflect on these jewels
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How's that again???
The following "carefully worded" statements on insurance forms were penned by drivers who were asked to briefly summarize accident details:
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through it.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I collided with a stationary car going the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb when I struck him.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
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Duh, boss---what are you saying about me?
Horrified peeks into personnel folders.
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
"IQ tends to be same numerical value as room temperature."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
"Bright as Alaska in December."
"One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests."
"Donated his body to science before he was done using it."
"Fell out of the family tree."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If brains were taxed, she'd get a rebate."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
"One neuron short of a synapse."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
"Recommend company sponsor her in first available intelligence gene-splice study."
"Wheel is turning, but hamster appears dead."
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Law School Final Exam (with answer key)
Section 32:A1, paragraph J, subparagraph 13.2, "Translation Into Legalese"
Students: Please prepare the following English terms for court pleadings...(Credit: 1 point each)
1. "All that glitters is not gold."
Answer: all articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
2. "Beggars cannot be choosers."
Answer: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
3. "Dead men tell no tales."
Answer: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
4. "Beginner's luck."
Answer: Neophyte's serendipity.
5. "A rolling stone gathers no moss."
Answer: A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant."
6. "Birds of a feather flock together."
Answer: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
7. "Beauty is only skin-deep."
Answer: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
8. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness."
Answer: Freedom from incrustations of crime is contiguous to rectitude.
9. "Don't cry over spilt milk."
Answer: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
10. "Spare the rod and spoil the child."
Answer: Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
11. "The pen is mightier than the sword."
Answer: The stylus is more potent than the rapier.
12. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
Answer: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
13. "Look before you leap."
Answer: Surveillance should precede saltation.
14. "Twinkle, twinkle little star."
Answer: Scintillate, scintillate minimal asteroid.
15. "He who laughs last, laughs best."
Answer: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
16. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
Answer: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders John (DOE) [A NATURAL PERSON] a hebetudinous fellow.
17. "Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones."
Answer: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles.
18. "Where there's smoke, there's fire."
Answer: Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, the potential for conflagration approaches certainy."
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WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get catgut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries (kiwifruit) from? New Zealand
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last? Thirty years
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